Going through infertility can be very difficult. You may feel anxious, irritable and on the edge. If you are taking fertility drugs these emotions will be heightened even more. The spontaneity may have gone from your marriage, as every cycle is about hoping to conceive your baby. Sex is no longer a fun, wonderful, intimate experience, it's work! Also with the monthly disappointment and failed attempts you may feel alone, isolated or depressed.
Know that these emotions are completely normal.
Sometimes feeling an emotion is too hard. It hurts to talk about it, to feel it or to experience the emotion.
It may be easier to stuff it down inside and not talk about it.
The problem with stuffing the emotions down, is they don't go away, they are bubbling right at the surface. This may make you extra sensitive, especially around your partner.
One word uttered by your partner may have the power to make you feel unworthy or instantly make you defensive.
Our relationships can be a great source of joy, companionship and comfort, but they can also cause worry, conflict and resentment.
We all know it takes two to tango, but boy is it easy to blame the other person.
This is especially sensitive area when dealing with infertility.
Not to worry. This is where we bring awareness to our actions.
We do not need to be on automatic pilot.
We can instill and new habit.
Instead of burying the pain or discomfort here are some tips from top relationship therapist Dr. Harville Hendrix.
Dr. Harville Hendrix, who founded Imago therapy has helped thousands of couples communicate more effectively.
THIS ONE TIP COULD IGNITE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
In Imago Relationship Therapy, Dr. Hendrix says there are three steps couples can practice to help them communicate effectively and heal both past and present wounds:
- Mirroring: First, couples learn how to listen and mirror back exactly what they hear rather than an interpretation or reaction to what they've heard. They should use expressions such as "I have something to say..." and "Let me see if I've got that..."
- Validating: Once both partners have clearly spoken and been listened to, they can then validate each other without necessarily agreeing. They should use statements such as "That makes sense because..."
- Empathizing: At this point in the process, both partners can identify with the other partner's expressed thought process and feelings, Dr. Hendrix says. To convey this newfound understanding, he says they should use language to the effect of "I can imagine what you're feeling..."
It’s amazing when you really listen to the other person.
If we want someone else to change, sometimes the best advice is to make the change yourself.
How has infertility affected your relationship?
Take action today with the 3 steps and let me know how it impacted your relationship.
Infertility can be tough on a marriage, but it can also bring you closer.
Sarah Clark empowers couples to discover how lifestyle and diet can dramatically impact their chances of conceiving. She was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure at 28 and had both her kids with donor eggs. Not until years later did she discover that the root cause of her infertility was a food intolerance. Ready to gaze into your baby's eyes....but struggling. Download 10 step Checklist here